it's the tiny victories

[moominmolly]

At the triathlon last weekend, when the singer began the national anthem, one or two people faced the flag and put their hands on their hearts, but everyone else was just milling about. Why did that offend me, when I'm sure I've done the same thing a hundred times? But it did. So I faced the flag and put my hand on my heart and stood still -- only to find that I could not keep myself from tearing up and feeling intense anger.

My own national anthem should not make me feel frustrated and furious. But it did. I was reminded of the 2000 election season, part of the Worst Year Ever, and of how this country has made me feel too much anger and shame. I felt despondent and awful, rooted to the spot, staring at a flag that should never have been coopted as a symbol of jingoistic love-it-or-leave-it-ism. But here I am -- I recoil when I see a flag bumper sticker on a car. The national anthem makes me cry.

Five days later, now, and for the first time in years, I'm feeling a bit of hope in a place I genuinely never thought I would, again. I'm not sure what will happen over the next two years, but I can at least tell myself that it might be different.

Comments

[oneagain.livejournal.com]

*hug* (if you want one)

[moominmolly.livejournal.com]

Thanks! :) I'm fine, actually -- it was an awful feeling on Sunday, but the triathlon made me forget about it. I didn't feel right posting about it until I had internally resolved it all, but I have now, so, yeah, whatever. It was just odd, to have that feeling be followed so quickly by a little bit of regime change.

[oneagain.livejournal.com]

I'm glad your fine. It did not occur to me after your post that you would not be in light of the current changes in politics. Sometimes offer a hug to someone even if all is well:)

[maighread.livejournal.com]

Additional navel gazing:

Even while angry at the United States government, I still say the pledge of allegiance & sing along with the anthem, but the big difference is that these days I'm leaving "god" out.

"I Pledge Allegiance to the flag of the United States of America and to the Republic for which it stands, one Nation, indivisible, with liberty and justice for all."

As a child I understood that saying "god" didn't feel right, but I went ahead and said it in that hollow meaningless word kind of way. Now I'm angry enough that the idea of following along with saying "under god" just isn't ok.

[lcohen]

i sing the national anthem at baseball games or whatever. even if there's a soloist, i sing--singing makes me feel connected to things. i think i get to decide what i am connected to--there are still wonderful things about living here, and one wonderful thing is that sometimes we have an election and we vote a bunch of idiots out of office.

[cruiser.livejournal.com]

The national anthem makes me cry too. I get pissed off when people mill about and leave their hats on at baseball games during the national anthem. I get almost as pissed off when they sing God Bless America during the 7th inning stretch at RFK, and morons tell people to take their hats off. We only have one national anthem. You take your hat off for it (or leave your hat on and salute if you're in uniform, as is not infrequently the case for me). Patriotic songs are just songs - they don't get the honor the national anthem does. To do so decreases the value of the honor that is rendered by removing one's hat for the anthem. Umm - sorry about hijacking your post with a pet peeve.

[harimad.livejournal.com]

I get especially pissed at the hyper-nationalistic rednecks who don't take off their hats.

We go back and forth as to whether it's necessary to remove one's visor during the Anthem. Thoughts?

(Cruiser, sorry for hijacking your hijack.)

[leeble.livejournal.com]

Wear only hats. Simplify the equation!

[zsquirrelboy.livejournal.com]

Yes. Exactly.