dynamic elf

Why is it that there are always tons of interesting Language Log posts on the days I have a lot of stuff to get done?

Stupid internet, all full of content and stuff.

It is only 10 AM, and today already sucks! That sucks. I dare you to make me smile or laugh. I promise a real genuine bona fide edible cookie to anyone who succeeds.

What is it with bank clocks these days? Is displaying the time somehow out of fashion? They all spend minutes on end displaying current events, new account specials, and surprisingly flashy monochrome animations but they seem to have LEFT OUT THE TIME FUNCTION. "Get a hold of yourself!" I want to yell. "Remember your roots! You're a clock, not a goddamn billboard!"

What I actually yell is "Fuck you, you fucker"! In my spare time I am both vulgar and inarticulate.

There I am, running frantically up the hill to Walgreen's to pick up my prescription I'd forgotten to get earlier in the day, just wanting to see the exact time so that I could watch my seconds tick out from underneath me. "IMMACULATE CONCEPTION... NEW NO-FEE CHECKING ACCOUNT... BLAH BLAH FESTIVAL THIS SATURDAY BLAH BLAH..." No mention of the time, or even the temperature. I run faster and screech up to the doors literally *just* as the staff is locking them. "I have to pick up a prescription!" I say. "It's really important! I need it!" They re-open the door and ask me what I need. I repeat myself, helplessly, because I know they won't change their minds. They don't change their minds. They are all fuckers. They are nice fuckers who just want to go home and don't want crazy sweaty ladies giving them grief, but I cannot stop myself from feeling a little pissy.

So I dejectedly return my movie and turn back down the hill to go home. The bank clock (tease that she is) decides to give me some real information:

9:58
46 F

sigh.

Up side: I got in an excellent hill sprint. Go thighs!
Down side: No drugs, and the Walgreen's lady thinks I'm nuts.