just curious.

[moominmolly]

[Poll #1563355]

Comments

[dreda.livejournal.com]

Interestingly, this morning someone told me to "keep that beautiful smile going!"

[moominmolly.livejournal.com]

Sometimes it actually cheers me up, and sometimes it makes me want to scream. Which was this, for you? :)

[veek.livejournal.com]

And most of the time, it's fucking irritating. Presumptuous and patronizing.

[moominmolly.livejournal.com]

Yup! I had a day yesterday filled with presumptuous patronizing things (see: being called a "cute spring chicken, so full of energy" by a coworker), and spike reminded me of this phenomenon, so I had to post about it.

[coraline]

yes, and i present as a woman, and it PISSES ME THE FUCK OFF.
gr.

("cheer up, it can't be that bad!" really makes me want to say "how the fuck would you know?" but that's really not work-appropriate.)

[moominmolly.livejournal.com]

Yeah, I often bite back responses like that. GRRR

[redheadedmuse.livejournal.com]

You needed a button for "Yes, and then I had to hide their body"

[catling.livejournal.com]

This.

[moonshadow.livejournal.com]

Usually this makes me mad. But, one time when I was walking down the street, this punk kid said, "Excuse me," and gestured on the ground behind me the way people do when you dropped something, and then, "I think you dropped your smile."

That was pretty lovely.

Maybe it's the delivery.

[ukelele.livejournal.com]

I think I would generally respond better when it's coming from an unexpected/countercultural source. Because the thing that really gets me is "since when the hell do YOU get to have ownership of my emotions?!?", but the punk kid is less likely to be enforcing mainstream norms or privileges.

[catling.livejournal.com]

This used to happen to me ALL the time as a child, teen and young adult, and it drove me crazy. If I were in the mood to smile, I'd be smiling, piss off! If you want to try to coax a smile out of me, catch my gaze and maybe I'll smile back, but don't order me to cheer up, you don't know a darn thing about why I'm not smiling you intrusive twit.

Happens less often these days, not sure why that is, do I look more intimidating? Do I smile more naturally? I don't know, but I'm glad.

[the-xtina.livejournal.com]

How I react depends on the situation.  If I don't have the spoons to deal with them being shirty with me when I don't, then I smile and move on.  If I do, then I just stare at them, or I ignore them.  On occasion, I'll say "you first", and when they smile, I don't.

It's just another way of men in general* feeling perfectly okay in policing women.  Because how the fuck often does it happen in reverse?  Men don't get women telling them to smile, because men don't have to be the emotional caretakers of the world.  Women, though, god help 'em if they have better things to do than to look pleasant all the time.

* Oh my god if I get even one man saying "But I'm not like that!" I may in fact spontaneously combust.

I get it less often now, and I think it's because I present as less feminine and more generally standoffish.

[twoeleven.livejournal.com]

Oh my god if I get even one man saying "But I'm not like that!" I may in fact spontaneously combust.
tempting, very tempting. ;>

[regyt.livejournal.com]

Regularly. Argh.

[intuition-ist.livejournal.com]

the few times it's ever happened to me, it came out of left field from some homeless guy. those circumstances are not likely to make me smile...

[qanga.livejournal.com]

Yeah in my experience it's likely to be the preamble to a request for spare change.

[intuition-ist.livejournal.com]

and i'm somewhat obscurely glad that it irritates other people too...i was wondering if i was particularly freakish in that.

[moominmolly.livejournal.com]

Yeah. I always felt like I was just ungrateful or sometihng until I realized it bugged most people.

[whynotkay.livejournal.com]

Just reading this thread made me angry.

[geekpixie.livejournal.com]

I've only been told this once or twice, mostly because I'm almost always smiling. I get told more to "keep smiling" or "never stop sharing that beautiful smile with the world" than I get asked to show it, which is obviously far different. I can entirely see why this would be annoying to a lot of people, and the kind of presumptions it brings with it about a persons right to tell us how to feel and behave. Ugh.

[cuthalion.livejournal.com]

If you're a guy you get people telling you to frown all the time when you're smiling.

this is actually a lie

[moominmolly.livejournal.com]

That would be much worse, but funnier!

[harimad.livejournal.com]

I would be interested to see a poll that includes an age component as well. I got "smile" a lot more when I looked younger than I do now.

[jovianconsensus.livejournal.com]

There's definitely that. I get it a lot less often now. It usually comes from my mother, and when it comes from a stranger it feels like she* is speaking in loco parentis.

*as far as I remember, no man has ever told me to smile. I'm male and present as such.

[hissilliness.livejournal.com]

I thought immediately of this discussion (http://coraline.livejournal.com/1025375.html?thread=8114271#t8114271).

[spinrabbit.livejournal.com]

I am AMAZED by the results you have so far -- I was like "Ever? You're not going to get any no's, even though women do get it more *often* than men." But no, apparently this is way more gendered than I thought.

[moonshadow.livejournal.com]

I actually expected it to look this way. Acting or even actually being happy seems to be one thing society expects women to do all the time. Even though that is... sort of appalling.

[cacahuate.livejournal.com]

All the time. Used to get it regularly from one server in my school cafeteria. Loathe it. This is not a frown; this is my face at rest! Not to mention that, of course, I have every right to frown and it's none of their damn business.

[houseboatonstyx.livejournal.com]

I'm still wishing for a good comeback. When you've been waiting in line for hours in the sun because of some woo woo event fouling up, then you get to the gate and they say "Well, everyone show your smiles". This is as some sort of pre-emptive defense against complaints for their foul-up. (Which they did every year.)

This was said to men and women both, though.

[artricia.livejournal.com]

Along these lines, I really resented being asked to clap and shout at the beginning of a P-Funk concert.

[artricia.livejournal.com]

I'm surprised too that I wasn't the only one who got this sort of thing. Definitely much more when I was younger. I was a "serious" kid. I wonder if it correlates at all with IQ or counterculturalism or something like that, because my sense was that no one else I knew got asked that -- my sense was it was part of my weirdness/nerdhood.

I'll agree with it usually pissing me off.

I'm not sure if I agree with age being a factor. I could see it working that way, but I know in my case I'm a much happier person as an adult. And that I don't go out in public as much.

[the-xtina.livejournal.com]

I want to say there's an age component, but I think it's more of a power component.  See also how often people will tell children (of any gender, though girls get it more as children get older) to smile.

[bethr.livejournal.com]

Many times. Many many times. Normally I'm a smiley person, but especially when I'm alone in public I put a huge plexiglass box around me so that no one gets near me.

[blk]

This happens rarely enough to me that it doesn't bug me much, and can be countered with A Look pretty easily.

What really sets my teeth a-grit is when I try to carry something or help push a stuck car, and get told "no, this is heavy" or "no, stand back, honey, I don't want to hurt you." Grr.

[kcatalyst.livejournal.com]

I use this sometimes as an example in teaching. Mostly the women in the class nod or say "I hate that!". Mostly men say "Um, what? They... order you to smile? Like, strangers?"

[moominmolly.livejournal.com]

Aha! It must be YOU that made me think of this recently! Thank you and grrrr!

[pseydtonne.livejournal.com]

I used to get the Smile Police when I was a teenager, even more in my post-college years (when I was pissed off about getting a degree and it not getting me anywhere). Perhaps I don't notice it anymore.

I realized early on that it was a power move. "You must smile, for I am authority and I expect you to show your compliance."

I've learned to treat it for what it is -- penis waving. "Oh, you want a smile. What else would you like with your hegemony today?" If you want obedience, earn it -- pay my rent.

[signsoflife.livejournal.com]

I am curious about the results of a followup poll:

"If a stranger has ever suggested to you that you should smile when you were not smiling already, how did that make you feel? A. it made my day better
B. it made my day worse"

[asciikitty.livejournal.com]

yes, quite.