There's a lot of good advice posted above. A lot of good ideas and a lot of sincere concern and well meaning intent.
I lived, for a long period of time, with someone who genuinely desired to die. The ideas above, of finding something they love to do, of reminding them about how they mean something to you and to your daughter perhaps, of what they'd miss if they die, are all predicated on the idea that this person can still connect to the world in that way, even a little. This isn't always the case. In some instances, reminding people of activities they love makes them feel *worse*- because they can't feel it anymore, but they remember feeling it, and that's one more thing lost. People that have descended into real and sincere end-of-life despair typically can't be reached by well meaning loved ones anymore because the sickness has taken over so completely. If that's the case, your whole paradigm must change because they aren't playing by the rules of a sane mind anymore. Sadness is often reachable by the tools above, despair is often not.
You did say "waiting to die" though, and maybe he's in that place because he's run out of energy. Whatever physical illness is going on might have drained him to the point of not caring. Not in that "I'm tired today" way but in that "I'm so drained of mental, emotional and physical reserves that I cannot think, speak or perform anything other than the most basic survival tasks".
I suggest making a list of things that are concrete, practical actions that could ease his strain, and don't assume he'll follow through. Enlist the partner if they're a good resource. Ask, beg, cajole, threaten w/e him into dealing with his anti-doctor issues. My mom hates going to the doctor but I reminded her that even if she went, the choices were still hers, what to take, what to do. But even getting them into the doctor's office that way is a start.
ok. Hope some of that was helpful. I wish you much luck and a minimum of heartache.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
zaluzianskya and ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png)
skylark_photos
rambling reply
Date: 2011-07-06 08:21 pm (UTC)I lived, for a long period of time, with someone who genuinely desired to die. The ideas above, of finding something they love to do, of reminding them about how they mean something to you and to your daughter perhaps, of what they'd miss if they die, are all predicated on the idea that this person can still connect to the world in that way, even a little. This isn't always the case. In some instances, reminding people of activities they love makes them feel *worse*- because they can't feel it anymore, but they remember feeling it, and that's one more thing lost. People that have descended into real and sincere end-of-life despair typically can't be reached by well meaning loved ones anymore because the sickness has taken over so completely. If that's the case, your whole paradigm must change because they aren't playing by the rules of a sane mind anymore. Sadness is often reachable by the tools above, despair is often not.
You did say "waiting to die" though, and maybe he's in that place because he's run out of energy. Whatever physical illness is going on might have drained him to the point of not caring. Not in that "I'm tired today" way but in that "I'm so drained of mental, emotional and physical reserves that I cannot think, speak or perform anything other than the most basic survival tasks".
I suggest making a list of things that are concrete, practical actions that could ease his strain, and don't assume he'll follow through. Enlist the partner if they're a good resource. Ask, beg, cajole, threaten w/e him into dealing with his anti-doctor issues. My mom hates going to the doctor but I reminded her that even if she went, the choices were still hers, what to take, what to do. But even getting them into the doctor's office that way is a start.
ok. Hope some of that was helpful. I wish you much luck and a minimum of heartache.