Wow. I'm sorry you have this to deal with; it's always hard. And it's so easy to second-guess yourself over something like this.
A few thoughts:
1. You can't hand them YOUR reasons for living, you can only help them to discover THEIRS. I might be sad if I never got to see a waterfall or a forest or a puppy again, but for someone else, it might be anything from a Broadway play to a baseball game. So make it a question: What have you loved about living? What would you miss if you stopped?
If your loved one has lost the abilities necessary to do some of the things s/he used to love, what can s/he still do that gets them some of what s/he used to love? For example, I love walking in the forest. During the year that I was in a wheelchair, obviously I couldn't do that. But there are a few parks that have flat paths from the parking lot to a level place that was surrounded by trees. I couldn't WALK in the woods, but my husband could drive me to a woods and wheel me to a place where I was surrounded by trees. It wasn't perfect, but it beat the hell out of no woods at all.
2. If someone has lost their zest for life, they could be depressed and could need professional help, either medication or therapy. You could find a source of such things in their area and help to hook them up with those resources.
3. If the problem is uncontrolled pain from a medical condition, the person needs better pain management NOW. Contact their doctor and raise a fuss. No one should have to deal with intractable pain in this day and age, but because some people abuse pain-relief drugs, many docs underprescribe so as not to come to the attention of the authorities. It's often hard for patients to raise a big stink on their own behalf, and a lot easier for their friends and/or relatives to do so.
If someone is terminally ill, a good hospice can help a whole heck of a lot. Hospice docs and nurses usually put keeping the patient comfortable first, and easing the pain and helping with routine care often ends up making the patient live longer than they would have otherwise.
4. Sometimes people have genuinely good reasons for wanting to die. It's always hard to accept that someone you love wants to die, but sadly, sometimes the adjustment needs to be made in you, not in them.
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Date: 2011-07-06 06:52 pm (UTC)A few thoughts:
1. You can't hand them YOUR reasons for living, you can only help them to discover THEIRS. I might be sad if I never got to see a waterfall or a forest or a puppy again, but for someone else, it might be anything from a Broadway play to a baseball game. So make it a question: What have you loved about living? What would you miss if you stopped?
If your loved one has lost the abilities necessary to do some of the things s/he used to love, what can s/he still do that gets them some of what s/he used to love? For example, I love walking in the forest. During the year that I was in a wheelchair, obviously I couldn't do that. But there are a few parks that have flat paths from the parking lot to a level place that was surrounded by trees. I couldn't WALK in the woods, but my husband could drive me to a woods and wheel me to a place where I was surrounded by trees. It wasn't perfect, but it beat the hell out of no woods at all.
2. If someone has lost their zest for life, they could be depressed and could need professional help, either medication or therapy. You could find a source of such things in their area and help to hook them up with those resources.
3. If the problem is uncontrolled pain from a medical condition, the person needs better pain management NOW. Contact their doctor and raise a fuss. No one should have to deal with intractable pain in this day and age, but because some people abuse pain-relief drugs, many docs underprescribe so as not to come to the attention of the authorities. It's often hard for patients to raise a big stink on their own behalf, and a lot easier for their friends and/or relatives to do so.
If someone is terminally ill, a good hospice can help a whole heck of a lot. Hospice docs and nurses usually put keeping the patient comfortable first, and easing the pain and helping with routine care often ends up making the patient live longer than they would have otherwise.
4. Sometimes people have genuinely good reasons for wanting to die. It's always hard to accept that someone you love wants to die, but sadly, sometimes the adjustment needs to be made in you, not in them.