worrisome news

[moominmolly]

The living do not, in fact, outnumber the dead. Well, then, what the hell are we going to do when the zombie uprising comes?

Comments

[ocschwar.livejournal.com]

Shatter proof glass.

Shatter proof glass.

[inthatoneway.livejournal.com]

The Egyptians saw this problem coming, that's why they tied up their dead.

[dolohov.livejournal.com]

Ah, but the dead are not spread evenly over the planet. Most of them are going to be in the Middle East, east Asia, and (to a lesser extent) Europe. Since the US population grew so fast because of immigration, I bet we do outnumber the dead. Heck, if we start seeing zombie vikings, we'll even solve a mystery or two!

And some cultures have been burning their dead for centuries -- while their undead uprising will probably cause emphysema, it probably won't be immediately life-threatening.

So, I guess we cluster in areas with less history or more pyromania, and go from there?

[harimad.livejournal.com]

I heard the 75% figure - the corollary being we have a 25% chance of living forever. Even a 6% chance isn't too bad. Except that we have to age as we get older but even that's improved over time.

[zogathon.livejournal.com]

Discover just how tasty brains really are?

Dont Miss

[arcticelf.livejournal.com]

In the event of zombie uprising shoot for the head (hopefully this stops zombies?) or pelvis (with out this they cann't walk, and the crawling dead are much easier to out run or set on fire), and dont miss.

AE

[ukelele.livejournal.com]

They're not unreasonable. No one's gonna eat your eyes.

[tisana.livejournal.com]

Eeeeee!
That almost made my day. Thank you.

[chaggalagirl.livejournal.com]

this whole discussion makes me happy.

[dpolicar]

There's a principle of problem management I've discovered at work that seems to apply to a number of different settings: fixing problems in isolation often works very badly, because sets of problems frequently contain seeds of one another's solutions.

In this case, I think the coming zombie uprising gets significantly neutralized if we allow the planet to continue its natural trend towards rising sea-levels. The dead will rise, flounder around at the bottom of the sea, and be eaten by fish.

Don't be so sure.

[ivorjawa.livejournal.com]

Re: Don't be so sure.

[moominmolly.livejournal.com]

Oh, we are so doomed.

[crouchback.livejournal.com]

I plan to retreat to the Upper Peninsula of Michigan, where I will seize a concrete building, board up the windows, and live, with my better half and my dog, on a diet of beef jerky, canned food and various carbonated beverages until the bloody zombies rot.

Then I will emerge, clad only in a hockey mask and loincloth, to shout "I am Lord Hermongous." If any zombies are still lurking, they'll come running, but I'll have time to duck back in to wait a bit longer for them to rot.

[lyonesse.livejournal.com]

i'm going to invite albert einstein and mary leakey over for sweetbreads.

[veek.livejournal.com]

Mmmmm... sweeetbraaaains.

[pseydtonne.livejournal.com]

We need to assess Which Dead Can Go Zombie? so that we have a scope of the potential zombie menace at any moment:

• How much corporeal putrefaction is necessary before the corpse is no longer viable for zombie activities? We tend to think of zombies as mostly assembled the way they had been as living people. However, most of our dead from a hundred years ago or more are bone collections at best. Do they not need muscle tissue and tendons to lumber across the countryside or strip mall parking lots? Are we instead dealing with the blood-clot-boy or golem approach: whatever the zombie's animator places into the body will synthesize mobility from its power of instantiation?
  
• Can we figure out the zombie language? If the zombies can gang up on one or a crew of us livestock, how do they coordinate? If they're just laissez-faire zombies without any integrated attack system, then we can simply chop some up and fling those pieces at the others before chopping again. If they can put their energies together, how are they communicating and how can we either interfere or propagate rival signals?
  
• Brains are nearly pure cholesterol. Look on a small can of calf brains and you'll see a single serving provides 1300% (that's thirteen hundred percent) of the RDA for cholesterol. Thus the zombie seeking to eat brains needs fats. Why can't we plan our defense runs using high-cholesterol foods as bait?
  
• Should we begin preemptive strikes against the dying humans by enforcing rapid evisceration by autopsy after death, organ donation and creation of the remainder? Let's stem the tide in an industrial fashion!
  
• Is night time the peak activity period for zombies, as shown in the George Romero model? Should we instead assume zombies are not vampires and carry scythes to work or at least keep them in the trunks of our cars and in umbrella racks in offices?

-sticky stuff on the floor too, Dante

[pseydtonne.livejournal.com]

By the way, this is the time of year when the zombies start their push. The ground starts to thaw after the vernal equinox (today at 8:07 p.m. EDT). Be prepared!

[nminusone.livejournal.com]

Call on the Ninjas and Pirates to save us!

[cuthalion.livejournal.com]

Well, SOME of the living outnumber SOME of the dead. So any conclusions or trends you can derive from that are somewhat valid!