I wish I had something profound and pithy to offer. I don't. But I'm here and listening. FWIW I think that you're one of the best parents I know (and I do read all the LJ posts and have some basis for opinion). No parent is ever, ever perfect. The fact that N is so fabulous speaks volumes about you and D are her parents and about everyone else as her Village.

Honestly, I wish my mom were more like you. ;-/