Perhaps its a fault of mine, but I'm going to dwell on the things that aren't perfect in my life instead of so much on my own personal faults. So here are things that are hard:

I've always wanted to have kids, maybe not right then but certainly it was always in my plan. For the longest time I didn't have the right guy, or I wasn't in the right place. Now that it is as good as it's going to get I've officially crossed over into what OB/GYNs call "advanced maternal age". Top that with the fact that my personal women's health stuff has always been wonky and I wonder if I ever will have kids. I'm waiting and waiting and I'm just impatient.

I'm going into a massive amount of debt. Med school costs about $50 grand a year and my school doesn't have a hell of a lot of financial aid. And I don't have rich doctor parents. Somehow six years of work in public health left me with an okay 401k but not an ounce of savings to put towards grad school or a house. I hope I haven't mortgaged myself and my hubbie for nothing, but it'll be a long time before I see any fruits to these labors.

As much as I love living, sharing life with my hubbie, singing, hosting events, I wonder sometimes if I will be a bad doctor because I'm not studying enough. My future patients deserve better.

I've finally joined the slackertude of my family wrt birthdays. As the last child, everyone else moved on long ago and either have their own kids, stopped coming to holidays, or stopped giving presents. This year for the first time I finally stopped giving presents too. That sucks.

These are a few of the ways in which my life doth not rock.