this isn't security, this is a striptease
Oct. 23rd, 2002 02:03 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
moominmolly[beeeeeep]
"Step over here, ma'am."
"Hi... okay. Spread your legs, feet shoulder width apart. No, a little wider. Yes, that's it. Yesss. Arms out."
"If I find anything with this scanner, I'm going to need to pat you down to resolve it."
"Jacket off. That's better. Yes, much better."
"Sit. Unlace your boots. I'm going to need to take them. Ohh, nice socks..."
"One leg out now. A little more."
"Up again. Feet out."
"It looks like your belt. I have to ask you to undo your belt now. Grip the buckle in your left hand."
"Now pull the belt out and hold it away from your body. No, further... a little more... that's right. Just like that. Now try switching hands. Use the right hand -- yeah."
So there I am, in Logan airport, standing in a glass cage in my sock feet and a little black tank top, doing the kinky security shakedown with my leather belt. They've sure as hell federalized; the security staff at Logan was all young, well-muscled, wholesome-looking folks. O'Hare (which has also been federalized) seemed to have a wider age/race range, by a long shot. Also, they were more efficient. No stripping, though.
Visited Chicago this weekend for![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
fishfoo's wedding. I got to see a lot of good people for not very long. The laser tag bachelor party kicked butt but seemed to lay waste to several items of clothing and a few body parts. Also a shame that we didn't figure out the rules until it was time to go home. D and I sent the groom home at 6 AM with a cute single babe, so I feel that I did my part. :)
And now, I succumb to a meme.
1. What's the first thing you remember wanting to be when you grew up?
A linguist.
2. Describe a dream you remember:
After playing far too much Warcraft, I had a dream where I was trying to sleep longer into the morning. I had my own little line of orc peasants trudging back and forth to the mine, bringing me bundles of sleep minutes. They were pretty efficient!
3. What book are you reading?
Two: Modern Sex Magick by D.M. Kraig, and The Bone Doll's Twin by Lynn Flewelling (Genderbending fantasy pulp. I used to babysit her kids!). I'm usually reading more than one book at a time, often one fiction and one non-.
4. What color are your sheets?
My favorite sheets are a soft light green. I have strong feelings on sheets.
5. What song is in your head right now?
"Go Ask Alice". I blametikva. :)
6. Where are you?
On my butt, at my desk, at work.
7. I am afraid of...:
Being useless.
8. Your day job/dream job:
Geek/park ranger
9. What movie have you seen the most times?
Like I'd remember!
10. One question for Jesus, or Buddha or Muhammed, etc:
No. Not one. I need ten or twenty, or I need to sit back and listen to the answers to things I never would have known to ask.
11. The guilty pleasure you'd really rather not admit to here:
Individually wrapped cheese slices. Neil Diamond.
12. Comfort food of choice:
Anything with vinegar. Spinach with vinegar. Cheese.
13. What's the last video you rented?
"Kissing Jessica Stein".
14. Who do people say you look like?
"Oh my god, you look like someone I know but I can't think of who..." or, "Hey, have we met?" As far as I can tell, I look familiar.
15. What's the bane of your existence?
Right now: banks. In general: my own laziness.
16. What's the last thing you found on the ground and picked up?
A penny that looks like it went through a meat grinder.
17. A writer worth reading:
Umberto Eco. So flexible!
18. Where would you like to grow old?
In Maine, hiking Katahdin twice a week.
19. A word of wisdom:
Relax.
20. The question you get asked ALL THE TIME!!!
"Do you sit up late at night and practice that?" FYI: I don't. Or possibly: "You did WHAT? Are you insane?"
21. When was your last hospital visit?
Two weeks ago. I asked about strange chest pains and my goddamn ankle injury.
22. The last thing you said out loud:
"I'll send that right off to you." That's kind of boring, isn't it? Well, I'm at work.
23. Current clothing:
Baggy green army pants, floppy sweater, Computer Nerd socks, bike shoes, and my favorite underwear.
24. Your favorite season:
Early winter. Fall is a close runner-up.
25. In my last lifetime I was probably:
A ferret. A weird little fucked-up furry thing.
I keep thinking of succumbing to the "ask me a question" meme, too, but it would appear that I'm just too lazy to set up a poll...
"Step over here, ma'am."
"Hi... okay. Spread your legs, feet shoulder width apart. No, a little wider. Yes, that's it. Yesss. Arms out."
"If I find anything with this scanner, I'm going to need to pat you down to resolve it."
"Jacket off. That's better. Yes, much better."
"Sit. Unlace your boots. I'm going to need to take them. Ohh, nice socks..."
"One leg out now. A little more."
"Up again. Feet out."
"It looks like your belt. I have to ask you to undo your belt now. Grip the buckle in your left hand."
"Now pull the belt out and hold it away from your body. No, further... a little more... that's right. Just like that. Now try switching hands. Use the right hand -- yeah."
So there I am, in Logan airport, standing in a glass cage in my sock feet and a little black tank top, doing the kinky security shakedown with my leather belt. They've sure as hell federalized; the security staff at Logan was all young, well-muscled, wholesome-looking folks. O'Hare (which has also been federalized) seemed to have a wider age/race range, by a long shot. Also, they were more efficient. No stripping, though.
Visited Chicago this weekend for
fishfoo's wedding. I got to see a lot of good people for not very long. The laser tag bachelor party kicked butt but seemed to lay waste to several items of clothing and a few body parts. Also a shame that we didn't figure out the rules until it was time to go home. D and I sent the groom home at 6 AM with a cute single babe, so I feel that I did my part. :)And now, I succumb to a meme.
1. What's the first thing you remember wanting to be when you grew up?
A linguist.
2. Describe a dream you remember:
After playing far too much Warcraft, I had a dream where I was trying to sleep longer into the morning. I had my own little line of orc peasants trudging back and forth to the mine, bringing me bundles of sleep minutes. They were pretty efficient!
3. What book are you reading?
Two: Modern Sex Magick by D.M. Kraig, and The Bone Doll's Twin by Lynn Flewelling (Genderbending fantasy pulp. I used to babysit her kids!). I'm usually reading more than one book at a time, often one fiction and one non-.
4. What color are your sheets?
My favorite sheets are a soft light green. I have strong feelings on sheets.
5. What song is in your head right now?
"Go Ask Alice". I blame
tikva. :)6. Where are you?
On my butt, at my desk, at work.
7. I am afraid of...:
Being useless.
8. Your day job/dream job:
Geek/park ranger
9. What movie have you seen the most times?
Like I'd remember!
10. One question for Jesus, or Buddha or Muhammed, etc:
No. Not one. I need ten or twenty, or I need to sit back and listen to the answers to things I never would have known to ask.
11. The guilty pleasure you'd really rather not admit to here:
Individually wrapped cheese slices. Neil Diamond.
12. Comfort food of choice:
Anything with vinegar. Spinach with vinegar. Cheese.
13. What's the last video you rented?
"Kissing Jessica Stein".
14. Who do people say you look like?
"Oh my god, you look like someone I know but I can't think of who..." or, "Hey, have we met?" As far as I can tell, I look familiar.
15. What's the bane of your existence?
Right now: banks. In general: my own laziness.
16. What's the last thing you found on the ground and picked up?
A penny that looks like it went through a meat grinder.
17. A writer worth reading:
Umberto Eco. So flexible!
18. Where would you like to grow old?
In Maine, hiking Katahdin twice a week.
19. A word of wisdom:
Relax.
20. The question you get asked ALL THE TIME!!!
"Do you sit up late at night and practice that?" FYI: I don't. Or possibly: "You did WHAT? Are you insane?"
21. When was your last hospital visit?
Two weeks ago. I asked about strange chest pains and my goddamn ankle injury.
22. The last thing you said out loud:
"I'll send that right off to you." That's kind of boring, isn't it? Well, I'm at work.
23. Current clothing:
Baggy green army pants, floppy sweater, Computer Nerd socks, bike shoes, and my favorite underwear.
24. Your favorite season:
Early winter. Fall is a close runner-up.
25. In my last lifetime I was probably:
A ferret. A weird little fucked-up furry thing.
I keep thinking of succumbing to the "ask me a question" meme, too, but it would appear that I'm just too lazy to set up a poll...
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no subject
Date: 2002-10-23 12:09 pm (UTC)Oddly, they were WAY more thorough in searching me when I worked there a couple years ago. I had to make sure the SmarteCarte machines had enough quarters, so I'd have a milk crate full of bags of quarters. Even though I had a badge, and saw the same people all the time, every time I'd go through security I'd have to be searched by three or more people.
no subject
Date: 2002-10-23 07:33 pm (UTC)Airport security
Date: 2002-10-26 11:05 am (UTC)the german airport security was what you'd expect from germans: fast, efficient, and the guy with the wand and the slicked back hair nearly gave me a rubdown with the wand (read: efficient).
Leaving from SFO: I got checked twice by people who were barely capable of speaking english. Security asked me even to explain stuff to another person getting checked. They were stressed, incompetent and chewing each other out (one guy waved his wand so vigorously that the batteries flew out and he didn't notice until I told him. Then he put the batteries in backwards (this being one of those brick batteries that you can't possibly put in backwards.)
Then I got checked again when boarding the plane. Even worse. Cramped and too much pressure on people who can't communicate because of the language barriers. I put my jacket to the side, while I got wanded again, while another checks the first half foot of my backpack contents. My jacket never got checked! I could have smuggled a weapon onto the plane, no sweat. I felt really secure on the flight back...
Airport security
Date: 2002-10-30 08:57 am (UTC)I've gotten rather blase about the whole thing. The only memorable incident is the most recent one, where my carryon got flagged for an in-depth search for the OAK-MDW flight. At least I had the presence of mind to ask for the search to be done behind a screen, instead of in front of all the little impressionable kiddies. *ahem*
Turns out the wine corks in the bag had set off the scanner. Maybe they thought they were shotgun shells or something? The most amusing part was watching them scurry around looking for gloves. Eventually they came up with a pair of livid purple ones. Hee.